How Low Can You Go - Part 1

    In trying to find my triggers for overeating and sabotaging my fitness goals, I have come to realize I am my own worse enemy.  Rather my self-esteem is. Let me explain.
    If you haven't known me for very long I probably appear very assertive and independent.  In truth I am. However, if you're one of the few folks who have known me along time, you know that's only part of my personality. I can be a bit insecure and self-deprecating. Its not pretty and I try to hide it.  Most of the time I'm pretty good at it but as I blog I find more and more ways to leak it out. This series on self-esteem may reveal more of me than I plan but love me - warts and all or not at all.
    I'm in several online chat groups and one thing that comes up often is how little we truly value ourselves.  Oh, I'm not talking about the obvious folks.  You know, women and men in abusive relationships because they think they deserve the treatment they get, the super insecure who cling to friends and family and can't go to the bathroom alone, or those that constantly say how undeserving they are of love and think their partner is planning on leaving them every time they sneeze wrong. Those folks put it out there and could use more help than I could ever provide.
    I'm talking those that hide their insecurities.  The ones who are loud in crowds and their demeanor screams "LOOK AT ME".  Or the guy or gal who is great at work but can't keep a relationship.  Or folks who diet fifty times a year but never get the weight off.  (Hello - I know her!).  We look put together, we talk a good game but when we are alone we criticize ourselves to no end. Why?
    The last blog I wrote was on the five love languages. To me it says it all. If no one else affirms you its hard to affirm yourself.  In other words, someone else has to tell you your wonderful before you believe you are.
    So, when do you need this to happen so you're a confident adult? In a perfect world your parents said encouraging words to you, but not too many, then your friends and dates built you up, then your spouse continued the trend.  I said in a perfect world.  No, obviously, my world has not been remotely close.  Oh, my parents were thankful I was gifted with intelligence, my girlfriends have always been supportive, but we all know its the people you date and the one you marry that make the most difference in how you feel about yourself.
    I'm going to stop here; I could go on forever, hence the series. If there is a particular area you would like me to explore about self-esteem, send me a comment or find me on Facebook.

Somebody's Watching Me

I have been blogging, commenting on Facebook and Tweeting in hopes that someone would listen.  A few dedicated friends commented and watched my homemade YouTube videos but I doubted anyone was really paying attention to my weight loss efforts. Then I get the biggest surprise - people are noticing what I say.  Now what do I do?

Well, my first thought was - accountability.  I have been having a hard time being consistent. I do have lunch-time workout partners but with work stress sometimes working out just isn't appealing.  I'd love an after work partner but everyone has family or church commitments. Its easier to make yourself get in gear when you have someone else pushing you.

Then I received a couple of emails from friends I haven't spoke to in awhile.  They were interested in what I was doing! One had many questions about how my program was going.  What do I say? I told the truth, of course.  I've been blogging about my struggles so its no secret I have a hard time being dedicated to my workouts and healthy eating. But I just figured no one was really paying much attention.  Then here I was with two people asking me about my daily trials.

In the end I know it up to me.  I can't make the responsibility someone else's to get my act together.  I have to want it and want to put the effort out.  It's great sharing my triumphs and my failures with family and friends who support me and encourage me.  Knowing that others want to get healthy and need help too gives me the strength to push ahead. Let's keep the momentum going!