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Sunday, June 19, 2011

How Low Can You Go - Part 4

    OK, you've been reading my blog and you've truly been working on your self-esteem.  You truckin' along; you feel like your making progress. What happens when you hit a wall?

    Wall, you ask? What kind of wall? How big is the wall? Am I strong enough to climb over it? Or is it too thick and I have to start all over again? Do I have the strength?

    The wall today is the one made by someone else.  You've been working on feeling good about yourself - remember, I'm beautiful and sexy.  And, just maybe, there is someone in your life that believes your beautiful and sexy too. Life couldn't be any better. What happens when they walk away from you? Does that mean they think you are  no longer beautiful and sexy? Do you begin to believe you aren't beautiful and sexy? Because everyone knows "beautiful and sexy" people have perfect lives (joking - take a look at the tabloids).

    We need to examine why this loser walked away. If you can honestly say you didn't push them away, is this just something they do? Are they prone to walk out of good relationships? Have they make wrong/poor choices in the past? Is this a pattern for them? Probably so.

    So...don't beat yourself up. You are still BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY inside and out.  They just don't know what they're missing.

Monday, June 13, 2011

How Low Can You Go - Part 3

    Self-esteem. Emotional eating. They're connected with a thick metal chain, at least in my case.

    This weekend I realized how much by talking with a health coach.  I was browsing Twitter, chatting with a new friend when she asked for a volunteer to talk about emotional eating.  The eager beaver that I am volunteered.  I was connected with Stacy, a health coach with, get this, no experience at emotional eating! I didn't know that existed! I thought everyone ate due to stress, boredom, depression.  It never occurred to me that there may be someone who didn't. Fascinating...

    I didn't get to explore her inability to eat with lack of control since she was so interested in mine. She drug up memories I hadn't pulled out of the closet in years. Memories of the first time I was called "fat", of never being thin enough in dance class, of the 40 pound weight gain before college and all the struggling since, of the numerous diets I failed at.  She had me describe what I see in the mirror...terrifying thoughts.  I had never described them to anyone before.

    She reminded me, as I have tried to do for you in my current series, that its about what you think of yourself, not what people think about you.  I know, easier said than done.  She has prescribed for me a a way to counteract the lies I have been telling myself all these years and I'll share it with you.

    First, think, really think, about what drives you to eat your emotions. When was the first time you were drawn to that behavior? Why did it continue? Here's a good one: What do you see when you look in the mirror? Describe it? What shape is it? What color is it? How does it make you feel?

    Ok, I know this is depressing, but now for the good part.  What do you want to see? What does it look like? What color is it? How does it make you feel?

    We've been telling ourselves lies for years - we're fat, ugly, sloppy, saggy...whatever.  Now it's time to remind ourselves we are beautiful and sexy. You may be saying, 'I am fat, so its the truth.  Beautiful and sexy is the lie'. Are you sure? You've been hearing the negative for so long, it can't hurt to be positive. Let's give it a try! I'm challenging you to give it a try.  What will it hurt? It can only make you feel better.  Everyday tell yourself, 'I am beautiful and sexy'.  Say it like you mean it. You'll start to believe it and maybe eating won't be so important anymore.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

How Low Can You Go - Part 2

    Self-esteem.  For some of us its a dirty word.  Mostly because we feel we can't control it.  It controls us.

   You know what I mean, the day starts out pretty good.  You wake up fifteen minutes early, your hair looks great and you're early for work.  Its a good day. Then Mr/Ms Perfect waltzes into the office. The person you compare yourself to.  He/she is always put together, everyone likes them, their marriage is perfect, their kids are brilliant. You disappear when they walk in. Or so you think.

    The question is why are you comparing yourself to this person that makes you feel so awful. Why do you think they are better than you? Its that inner voice, the bully, the mean-spirited little gremlin that likes to ruin your day.  He's done now, hasn't he?

    Time to bounce this voice of doom. Why, you ask? After all, you've lived with him since you were a kid.  You're attached to his habit of ruining your day. You've grown accustomed to him bursting your bubble.  Don't you want to be happy - have inner happiness? Sure you do. Getting rid of "Mr Negativity" will free you to respect and learn to love yourself.

    How? When the negative thoughts creep in think positive thoughts to replace them. When that nasty little creep says, 'You can't do it', fight back with 'Yes I can!' When you look in the mirror and he tells you, 'look at those wrinkles and double chin', yell back,'I have beautiful eyes, great skin, and great hair!' You have beauty and great qualities.  Find out what they are. If you can't think of any (that pesky little bastard has you convinced) ask your family and friends to be honest and give you a list.  You have them! We all do.  

   Take the power to be happy away from the little monster and accept and love yourself.  Reality is we all have flaws, even Mr/Ms Perfect.  We can all learn to love ourselves.  We are valuable and worthy of love and loving ourselves.  Start to respect yourself.  Love yourself. Tell yourself everyday you are worthy.  Affirming and complementing yourself, having positive thoughts, are a step in the right direction of a healthy love affair with you. Who will love you if you don't love you?